Tears, Apologies

Leana stayed on the floor long after full dark had settled outside. Her head ached from her crying jag and after finding some aspirin she went back into the living room. Opening the TV cabinet her fingers sought out the pull for the drawer and, in the back were several videos labeled simply “J.R.” She pulled the first one out and put it in the VCR. She wrapped herself in a blanket and curled up in the corner of the couch, pressing play on the remote.

Her first purchase after having the baby had been a video camera and she had captured every moment she could. She had caught his first steps, his first words; his first guitar. The tears trailed down her face and she ached for all that Richie had missed. As she watched, she didn’t hear the door open.

Richie had walked the beach trying to make sense of what Leana had told him. How could she not tell me? The longer he thought about that time, the more he remembered, remembered what an ass he had been. He remembered Leana trying to talk to him but he didn’t want to take the time to listen. He was more interested in the band than anything else. That was why he broke up with her. But still, she should have gotten in touch with me. I deserved to know. He sighed and shook his head, no I didn’t. After the way I treated her, I didn’t deserve anything from her.

Richie walked back to her house and slipped quietly inside. The only light came from the tree that they had lovingly decorated that afternoon. He heard the TV and, after slipping off his coat and shoes, he padded into the living room. He stopped when he saw what was on the screen. He looked around the room, his eyes landing on the small shape huddled in the corner of the couch. He couldn’t see clearly but he could hear her sniffling and he knew she had been crying. He didn’t move but just whispered into the near dark, “is that him?”

Startled, Leana dropped the remote and looked up, “You came back? Yeah, that’s Joshua.” Richie watched, fascinated. The little boy looked so much like him, dark hair, easy smile, lanky build; the only difference was his eyes, they were green like Leana’s. He walked over and sat down next to Leana, “why didn’t you tell me?” There was no anger now, just sadness over what he had missed.

Leana sucked in a shaky breath, “I tried, but you didn’t want to listen to me.” Richie opened his mouth to say something and she stopped him, “just listen to me now, please.” He nodded his head. “The night you dum… broke up with me I tried to tell you. You were so wrapped up with the band you weren’t hearing a word I said and then you told me to get out. Besides, if you had known what would you have done? Give up on your dream? I wouldn’t have let you do that. You worked so hard you deserved what was right around the corner. You didn’t need to worry about a baby then. I loved you and thought I was doing what was best at the time.” She looked at him and could see the pain and sadness in the chocolate depths of his eyes, “I’m sorry Richie; I should have told you. I should have made you listen to me. Can you forgive me?”

Richie glanced at the TV again, the little boy wasn’t so little anymore. He looked back over at Leana, “we’ve been seeing each other since the summer, why didn’t you tell me before now?” She wiped her face, “I didn’t know how to tell you Rich, and, honestly, I was afraid to.” He looked back over at the TV, “does he know me; does he know that I’m his father?” Leana reached out a tentative hand and grasped his, he didn’t pull away. “He does. I made sure of that. He knows what happened between us as well.” She looked up at Richie, catching his eye with hers, “he wants to meet you. He’ll be here for Christmas.”

Richie pulled his hand from Leana’s grip, “come here” he whispered as he pulled her close to him, dragging her across his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder, “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry…” he stopped her, “don’t baby, I know now.” They sat in silence and watched the tape to the end. Richie found it was like watching himself at times, not only was the resemblance so uncanny, the boy’s mannerisms and facial expressions were startling similar as well.

They sat that way long after the tape had finished and Richie shut the television off. The lights from the tree bathed them in their soft glow. He looked down at Leana, her head was resting against him. He could see the shadows under her eyes and they were still a bit puffy. He stroked her cheek with his fingers. He dipped his head and she raised hers slightly, their mouths meeting, tongues dancing slowly, one over the other.